Journey to… Positivity

Written 10/19/17

As I was driving back home from an AMAZING homecoming experience, I couldn’t help but notice my mind was wandering. I soon found myself sighing “Welp, back to reality”. Then I had to stop myself. Why am I sighing that I have to go back to my amazing job? To my own apartment? To the city that I dreamed of living in for years? Am I not happy? Is this not what I asked God for? But it wasn’t that. I was sighing at the situation I thought would happen. Every time I come back from a trip where I see my friends, I always get down because I realize how lonely I am here. I was dreading that feeling of sadness and loneliness. But that feeling hasn’t happened yet. I was basing my feelings now off of potential feelings I could have in the future. Sounds ridiculous, right? I do this all the time, I get nervous about the things that may or may not happen in the future, and base my present actions and feeling on it.

Reality is, I am alone up here. Most of my support system is back home. So I have to be stronger now more than ever to combat all my feelings and emotions. I don’t think anybody truly understands fight I have with my demons on a regular basis. More and more I find myself worked up and anxious over small day to day things. But now I have to be able to filter my thoughts. I can’t let my mind wander and stress me out on things that haven’t even happened yet. I have to be able to change my thinking and be intentional with my thoughts, especially when I am battling my depression or anxiety. I am going to struggle. I’ve been struggling for years (the youngest I can remember was 12), so I know I can’t get away from it. I will have my downs, but every down doesn’t have to be a crisis. If I can be intentional with my thoughts and be proactive and change my negative thoughts to positive ones, I can save myself a battle or two.

My goal for the next few months is to be intentional. Intentional with my thoughts, my actions, and my words. POSITIVE VIBES ONLY. I will only surround myself with positivity. If my mind starts to wander and I see negative thoughts creeping in, I will counter them with positive affirmations. Everyday I will wake up and set my intentions for the day/night. I will be in control of my mind. Let us start the new journey.

-Ray