Yet another eventful post. Today marks a year since I moved to Atlanta and started my career as a nurse. I am so grateful to be in this position. As I look back at my childhood and teenage years, I feel like I was almost groomed to be fearful of the world. To be fearful of what I can’t control. I found myself afraid of a lot of things, some of those things being moving away from the safety and security that I built for myself. Years ago, that scared little girl I was wouldn’t have been able to celebrate this momentous occasion. For years this has been my long term dream- to move to Atlanta and live the life I wanted to live. But back then my mindset and my goals didn’t align. I had these dreams, but I let the fears and doubts of those close to me affect how I achievable I saw my goals to be. I became fearful. What if I can’t handle it? What if I fail? What if this is the wrong decision for me?
Through my fearless journey I had a few years ago, I learned how to push through all of that. I learned that the fears and doubts that others have, have no precedence in my life. I had to realize that the feelings that they were having were not mine to feel. So when it came time to really set my dreams in motion, I had to disregard all of the nonsense that was pressed into my head. You can make it. You will make it, for God is on your side! I told this to myself over and over again until I really believed it. I reminded myself of the decisions I regretted making due to my fear in the past. I didn’t want to make those same mistakes again. So I bossed up and applied for jobs that were away from my home and away from my comfort zone.
The first two hospitals that I applied to called me back for an interview. One of those hospitals was here in Atlanta, my dream city! After two interviews, I got a call back from the hospital in Atlanta with a job offer, and I accepted on the spot! How could I not? This was literally what I had been praying for in the months prior. As soon as I shared my good news with my loved ones, some of them congratulated me but then immediately doubted me. “You won’t make it. You need to turn down the job. You need us to support you. What happens when you need help, we can’t come to your rescue. Just stay here.”
Ray, God wouldn’t have let you have this opportunity if it wasn’t for you. You will make it. You got it! I repeated that the day I left. I was afraid. I don’t think I ever told anybody that. I was terrified! I stepped out on my faith but I still had those little voices repeating those negative words to me. I was so happy to finally see my dreams manifest, but I was afraid I would somehow have to move back home. It wasn’t until I got into the city and looked up, that all my fears went away. I was really here, I really made it.
I know that this is where I need to be in life. To grow and really find myself and the person God has meant for me to be. I am so glad that I was finally able to put my big girl panties on and do it. Do what I wanted to do, despite all of the negativity I kept hearing. It was hard, that was my first time facing my fears dead on. But I didn’t run away. I’m grateful for this one year anniversary because I didn’t have to be here. I could have listen to those doubts and still be at home, miserable. But I’m not. I’m here, making it!
-Ray
Learning as I Grow 