Today before work I meditated on confidence and my goals. I feel these go hand in hand in my life. I have small dreams and goals that I want to achieve, but sometimes I don’t try to reach them right away because of doubt. Self doubt almost stopped my career goals for this year. One of my career goals for the year was to become a nurse preceptor for nursing students in their last semester of school. This is when they follow me around during a shift to learn and apply skills. Those who know me in an academic setting, know that I love teaching, so this has always a goal for me even when I was in school.
Even though this was always a goal of mine, I started doubting myself for having this goal early on in my career, before I even hit my one year mark. A part of me was skeptical about whether I had enough experience to really teach these new nurses. I’m still new myself and I still go home sometimes feeing like a failure and like I didn’t do the best job at caring for my patients that night. But this year I put myself in the position to achieve my goal. I told myself daily that I am enough and that I can do this. I found myself researching material outside of work to increase my knowledge for the specific patient population I work with. I found myself answering questions for the newer nurses on the floor. I would drag them along in a room with me to perform a certain task and I would use these opportunities to teach. That helped to really build confidence in myself as a nurse and a nurse preceptor. So a few months ago when my nurse educator on my floor sent out an email regarding precepting this summer, I took a deep breath and leaped at the opportunity.
Today I went in for my first shift precepting!!
This is a huge step in my self love journey. I’m starting to really let go of that self- doubt that holds me back at times. So many people around me believe in me and my potential, but often times I fail to see that same potential in myself. I’ve been working on pushing past self doubt and really having confidence in myself and my abilities. When I was finishing my applications for school earlier in the year, I constantly had to redirect my thoughts and counter my doubt with positive self talk. Although it’s always been my goal and dream to be a nurse practitioner, I kept feeling as though I should wait a few more years because I’m not a “good enough bedside nurse”. But everyday I had to affirm to myself that I have all the knowledge and skills necessary to be the great nurse I am. I am a great nurse. And with that confidence at least one school saw that small potential in me that I struggled to see. Now I’m a few weeks away from orientation for my master’s program to be a nurse practitioner.
It is crazy how I started the year with these goals to advance in my career but I also started with the self doubt that had the potential to hold me back. Slowly but surely I am starting to really believe in myself and my abilities. It is such an empowering feeling.
I love celebrating these small victories in my journey.
-Ray
Learning as I Grow 